_{she's torn up. twisted.}

didn't ever think it could hurt like this. didn't realize how much it meant to her. didn't know a simple sentence could be so painful. 2 days of feeling like she had the wind knocked out of her. like her stomach is on fire. like nothing will ever be ok. on the verge of tears, but never willing to let it happen. laughing about it, joking to make it seem less real.

waiting for the message that says he didn't mean it. that he loves her and he's sorry.

but it's not going to come.

so six more. a night of drinking. revising the rules to make her feel safe again. falling back into old habits, and wanting nothing more than to waste away.